“Does it come in black?”

Wedding dresses are made to make you look good. It’s magical really. However, even when buying this thing that was made to make me look my very, very best, I couldn’t help thinking, “If only it came in black.”

I’ve always worn a lot of black. It could be because I’ve always thought it was slimming, and slimming has been my goal since I was nine years old. I think it has more to do with my Mother whose wardrobe is at least 98% black. My day job now requires me to wear all black and it’s caused something weird to happen- I feel like I want to wear black less and less.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why. It could be because my hair is darker. It could be because I just have black clothes overload. Could it be because I read somewhere that one time that true black looks harsh on almost everyone?

Maybe it’s because I’ve subliminally been mourning my life, and now that I’ve taken pretty big steps to make myself happier I don’t need to represent that on the outside.

I’ve not had any desire to wear particularly bright colours. I’ve always loved yellows and greens, but lately, I’ve been wanting to go for rich jewel tones or dusty tweed versions of colours. I’ve also become particularly enamoured with grey.

After studying fashion I went into a bit of a uniform dresser phase. I was always in jeans and a v neck black t-shirt. Ten years later and I still fall into a bit of that pattern. I want to break out of it, but I’m not sure how. I know exactly what I’d tell someone else to do. Try different elements one at a time. Go back to old photos and notice what you’re wearing in your favourite ones. Take baby steps.

The problem is that it’s really easy to know what you should do. It’s easy to instruct others. To some extent, it’s really easy to take the directions of someone we trust. But giving ourselves objective advice and taking it? That’s the hard part.

It’s why I still always ask, “does it come in black?”

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